My Religion

Lent started this week and I figured that if there ever is a perfect time to start going to church again this would be it. I went to a 6:30am mass since it was somewhat on the way to work, plus it's only a few blocks from Cancer Girl's place. I thought there would be a slim chance I'd run into her :P

I'm by no means a hardcore religious nut. You will definitely not hear me citing the scripture. In fact, I think the PC term to describe me is a "non-practicing Catholic." You can probably argue that the only reason my grandmother started going to church was b/c the churches give out rice and flour in Taiwan post WWII. My parents probably wouldn't drag us to mass every Sunday if other parents in the congregation didn't judge or sneer when we miss a Sunday. That was probably the biggest thing that bugged me about going to church: the fact that you are suppose to love each other yet here you have these soccer moms w/ their holier than thou attitude judging you and thinking she's so much better than you. I thought God is the only one that has the right to judge people? If you add the fact that there are masses done in Latin where I don't understand what's going on at all, 8am or earlier mass time, and how some masses break out into a song every five minutes and go for two hours you can see why I tend to have a negative attitude towards going to church every Sunday.

It's never been that I want to go to church; it's always I have to. It's always out of fear of negative punishment than positive reward.

However, lately and during my senior year in college where I almost committed suicide I began to find that mass has become the last place I can go and find some peace for my mind and be alone with my thoughts. And I like that. I don't have to think about my appointments or my to-do list and million other distractions going on in my head. The only other places I can do this at seems to be when I go running and when I'm at airports. I also find that as I get older sometimes I'm not strong enough to face whatever challenge was kicking my ass and somehow my faith got me through it.

I didn't really know what I would be giving up yet. I know I want it to be fasting of some kind and it's gotta be kind of difficult but still do-able where I would take it seriously and I want it to be something that would remind me of Christ. Giving up facebook doesn't remind me of Christ. I wish I could gain or do something instead of give up something. For what it's worth I decided to give up alcohol for 40 days. I'll definitely be tested when SXSW comes around.