My Departure

I left my position on Monday. Got in after lunch and traded for a little bit. Up a few hundred bucks and basically decided right then that was that, final answer. Made the announcement to the team and handed in my key card. I've been going back and forth for the greater part of April even long before I made my previous post. It didn't quite hit me until the moment I took the keycard out of my wallet that this really is it. The point of no return.

There are so many factors at play here and maybe I'm making things more complicated than they are but I'll try to address them here, including some of the comments from the previous post.

Did I want to walk away from trading and Kershner? No. God forbid that somebody actually loves what they do for a living and the people they work with. It's exactly because of that complicated the decision process for me I think. There's this book by Malcolm Gladwell that is on my reading list (I'm reading Malcolm's Blink right now) called Outliers: The Story of Success, where he uses examples like Bill Gates and at one point I know he said that before becoming an expert you need to put in like 10,000 hours of practice or work. If you do the math, there are 6.5 trading hours a day, not counting pre and post-market action and 250 trading days to a year, 10,000 hours is the equivalent of 6.15 years. I still got a ways to go. I've made my decision based on current situation, current facts with the opportunity potential. It's not that I'm obligated to help out mom and pop. I could've chosen to be like my sister and do my own thing.

The main reason is the fact that my parents have entrusted in me to take the family business to the next level. We have a patent on one of our products and that's helped us tremendously for quite a few years now. Right now just seems like a good transition point and critical for us to position ourselves for years to come. I suppose it's because of the economy but there are quite a few changes in personnel in our clients and my dad feels this is a good time to introduce me to the new blood. We also wanted to solidify our relationships before the patent expires... not for close to another decade I think. Meanwhile when we still have this competitive advantage we want to grow into other markets like in Europe. A family friend works for the government and has been stationed outside of the country like in South America and currently he is in Saudi I believe. We're planning to do Christmas in the middle east this year and I'm sure we'll try to gain some contacts and pre-approach while we're there as well.

To me, this is exciting. I've been working for my dad in some capacity since I was probably 5 or 6 years old. There's no child labor law in Taiwan when we were living there, heh. From just sweeping the floor to being on call for the night shift; from menial repetitive jobs on the assembly line to reviewing contracts and handling accounts receivable/payable I've seem and involved in every process of the business. There are some greater details that my parents need to bring me up to speed on before they fully let go the reins but I envision us doing 2 or 3 times the business we've been doing.

There are certain facts my parents purposely withheld from my sister and me as we were growing up. They never wanted us to know how poorly or well we were doing as a family. God bless them for that. I know at least on two difference occasions we had to move b/c of rent issues that I was not even aware of until I was in college. I think they thought we might have self-esteem issues if we knew how poorly we were doing early on and lose our work ethics if we found out how much money we were actually making. I'll be honest with you, I still don't know exactly what our yearly revenue and profit numbers are like. I only have an idea or ballpark figure. Even if I do obviously I wouldn't be disclosing it here. They don't want me to think that I'm set for life and that the biz would just be here for me when I graduate and they'll just hand it over to me. They've even gone as far as to discourage me the idea of working full time helping my dad. But now everybody in the family believe that I'm the best person to take it to where we want to go.

I appreciation the time people actually takes to read what's on my mind. My impression is that people range from having no idea about trading/Kershner to 10+ years of trading experience or actually works @ Kershner right now. There are a lot of things happening behind the scenes that even us normal traders like me don't know about. I've been blessed that my coach is on Trader Council and would share with us information that might not be as readily available on the floor, but nothing that's classified. All that is another post at another time. I think mainly you continue to read this because you don't fully understand. Basically situations changed quite a bit with me and at Kershner from two years ago when I joined the firm.

Bottom line: the market is going to stay open and the opportunities and timing with the family business would not come again. I do have to take into account that the people who left comments on the previous post is somebody that just started at Kershner and somebody that didn't get a position. I still do very much love trading and I don't want to influence anybody's decision or pursuit of their passion just b/c of my situation. There's only 24 hours in a day and something's gotta give.

My Big Decision

I'm indecisive. I have grown to accept that about me. As my sister, who reads into astrology probably more than she should, explains to me that it's all part of the territory w/ Libras. Just like a scale, we like to weigh the both sides thoroughly before reaching a conclusion. You'd think that would be a problem as a trader who has to make split second decisions all the time. Through my life experience though, it seems that I only have problems with decisions that affect me for more than 24 hrs. I have no problems picking out what to wear in the morning. If it looks bad I'm wearing something different anyway the next day. However, I've moved into the new house for almost 6 months and I still have tons of pictures and paintings that I have not hung up yet.

Many times people ask me what my career or life plans are and I usually say something about how moving from Taiwan to a podunk town in Kansas and eventually to Austin really has taught me that life never turns out quite how you plan it. I actually won a few competitions talking about this experience in Toastmasters, in which I also threw in a little line from Forrest Gump. You know, the one about chocolates. I'll also say that I know a decision has to be made at some point down the line whether I want to blaze my own trail or I want to take over for my dad. Being the type A or overachiever that I am I know I will want to try to do both, but life has taught me that something will have to take a backseat. I know at some point I want to go back to school for my MBA and what I study or where I want to go to school depends on this decision as well. At the moment I'm perfectly happy being a trader, just learning as much as I can about trading and keep on improving everyday. Funny that I probably said that just two weeks ago while chatting w/ an HP.

I believe that time has come.

With my dad out of the country and tax deadline approaching I had to devote a lot more time to the family business and I got a taste of what it would be like if I try to do both jobs. Maybe I've moved my own time table up but I figure the decision has gotta be made at some point. Plus there are a few transitions at some of our clients as well. The CEO of one of our clients passed away recently and a buyer has retired. I think my dad sees this as a good time to start hanging over the torch as well. We have a few products we want to bring on line and is working with another company in Memphis to enter into a partnership in the U.S. and we also want to sell in Europe. Maybe he think I'll do a better job or he's just too damn tired but he wants me to take the lead on this.

There are certain things I would do differently or how things should be done by the way we were taught in the business school. There are a few things my dad could be doing better when it comes to his taxes and honestly I don't think we really need our accountant except on a more consultative or audit role.

I believe there will be a time where I can trade full/part time and run the business effectively, although I know it'll take a lot more time and concentration. For the short run though I don't see that happening. We could be very busy all the way through August and then there's a big trade show that we go to every fall around the end of October/start of November and busy again through the end of the year. At the time being, I don't mind taking a little break from trading... especially with the volume being so pitiful.

The first question I had to answer for myself was that if I had to pick, which one would be first: the family business or trading? And I chose the family business, which leads to the troubling part for me. Do I trade at all? If I'm only trading part-time, is Kershner still the right place for me? Trading won't be a priority for me anymore and I'll be taking a cut of a pie that's gonna be significantly smaller if I'm not trading full-time. If I don't trade at Kershner, where would I go? Use my TD Ameritrade account? Go to Assent? What about the relationships I've formed during my tenure? I know it's just me, but I tend to put more value on relationships than most people. It's not simply just a business decision or I have to do what's best for me. It's never been that simple for me. Could I just pack up and leave everything behind to jump ship over to our competitor? That doesn't seem right to me after all the time and effort people have put into me and knowing that I won't get that team environment over at Assent.

I don't know. I'm close to the point where I can be a coach and I know Murphy would back me in a second. It would be a completely different scenario if I already had a few guys under me. It's not that I'm second guessing myself; it's just hard that I actually do like my job and the people I work with. At the moment, nothing is for certain yet... but I'm definitely leaning towards one way.

My Last Name

Ok, there's a lot of outrage right now about this following clip in the Asian-American community and I have to say that some of it is a little unjustified. From what I gather from the video and the longer version, Rep. Betty Brown is attempting to come up with a Bill, or solution, to problems that arises when someone's ID doesn't match with the name on the voter registration. I get that. I really do. It's also a shame to be denied your right to vote just b/c of some inconsistencies in paperwork. For ages my last name was spelled S-H-A-W instead of H-S-I-A-O while we were living in Kansas. Quite honestly, people didn't want to take the effort to learn how to pronounce it and have you correct them a few times before they actually get it. Quite honestly, I didn't like people butchering my name... you make it sound worse than finger nails on chalkboard. For those of you that cared enough to learn and remembered or even go to the extreme to know my first AND last Chinese name like my friend Andy in Arizona, God bless you.

For the record, if you drop the silent H in front of my last name, it's pronounced exactly how it's spelled. A friend of mine with the last name Liao once complained that he had the most difficult last name in the world b/c Americans are not used to seeing three vowels in a row... yeah, I think adding a silent H tops that. I joke that it's b/c Americans watch too much Wheel of Fortune all the time. I joke but there's some truth behind it about how our linguistic mind is structured.

While I was at UT I did meet someone with my last name except his family Americanized it to the Shaw version that I mentioned. At one time in my life I did contemplate doing that as well. It would make my life and practically everybody's life easier. But I didn't. B/c my last name is part of my identity. Yeah, people have trouble pronouncing it but it's me. It's my family's name. My heritage. It's as unique as the birthmark on my elbow or my huge horse size calves that sets me apart from other people.


Back to the video... would it be easier to just adopt a different name? Maybe. Kind of like how Smyth transformed into Smith? Yeah. Would it be easier just to drop that silent H in my last name? Sure. What bugs me and the only part about this that angers me is the thought (or the lack thereof) behind it. For one, it's one thing if it's just my buddy and I drinking and joking about this name change but you're talking about legislation. A law. As in, do this or some of you civil liberties will be taken away just like going to jail. On top of that, Rep. Betty Brown doesn't strike me as someone that is "worldly." By "worldly" I mean she is a senile lady who should be at Luby's for the early bird specials, playing bingo and have her license revoked by the DMV on the account that she's so damn old. In about the 1:30 or 1:40 mark in the video you hear her asking about elections in China.... um yeah, there's no elections in China. Seriously, think before you speak. Think before you propose a ridiculous bill like this.


The root of the issue for me is this: Why should it be made easier for YOU? Why don't you take the effort to learn someone's name and have the government agencies correspond to make sure everything's consistent? God forbid that it should take a little bit of effort from your part. If not ignorant, it certainly is a very selfish thought.

I leave you with this: consider the scenario if it was flipped around, that there are too many Williams, Smiths, and Browns running around where it's becoming confusing and hard to identify who's who. What would you say?

My Bad Start

April and Q2 is off to a bad start. I'm letting a lot of things slip and sizing inappropriately and not listening to my stops. That's really all there is to it. I'm going to trade probably 200 share lots for a while until I get my head screwed back on right. It sucks that I gave back so much of my March profits but after having that kind of month gives me confidence that I can dig myself out again. I'm trying not to think about monetized goals and the only expectation is to make good trades as in getting and getting out as I planned.

Our team is doing this thing where one person has to do a presentation a week and this week was my turn. I did it on Trading in the Zone, which I read last August. It's pretty cool to go back and review some of the stuff. Also, judging by the comments I get the feeling that it was the author Mark Douglas that's been writing them. I dunno, just all this talk about expectations and the language or writing style that was used reminds me a lot of the book. Hey, like I said, if someone out there wants to help me become a better trader I am all for it.

I do have to give myself credit and pat myself on the back more often. I've come a long way and is much better than a year before. I'd say that I need to love myself more but I'm up to three times a day as it is (no, that's not true. I just couldn't help myself to make a joke that's all).

Gavin DeGraw concert on Wednesday night! I'm taking Cancer Girl to the show since this is the only show in the foreseeable future playing at The Parish that I think she'd like. Not gonna lie man, there are some cool stuff happening this month. White Denim plays on the 17th and the finals for the B-Boy competition will be on the 26th.

My Training, Part III

I'm separating this segment of the training out into yet another section since it was getting a little long. Brett just had a new book published on becoming your own trading coach. We got a Reader's Digest version I'm sure since the title of the books said "101 Lessons." Get it here! I know we already have at least 3 copies or so floating around the trading floor.


Five Best Practices for Self-Coaching

• Break Trading Down into Components - such as idea generation, execution (how much heat you take on before the trade goes your way), and managing the trade. Think of it as a process
  
• Evaluate Performance w/ Metrics - like holding time for winning trades vs losing trades
  
• Identify Strengths and Weaknesses - profit by time of day and trade smaller during less profitable time
  
• Set Realistic Goals for Development - Set yourself up for success and have goals for each day that's achievable. You want to have non-monetary and controllable goals. Expose yourself as a success and increase your well-being. Ask yourself: what did I do right yesterday that I can continue today and what didn't I do well. Everyday is a learning experience. Think of yourself as a learning machine.
  

Using Brief Therapy Techniques (short term techniques to change your thoughts)

• Change by doing
• Targeted change
• Corrective experiences
• Rehearsal as key - until it becomes a part of you
  

#1: Diffuse Triggers Through Exposure

• Deconditioning emotional triggers - how to stay relaxed
• Creating hierarchies
• Using imaginal and in-vivo exposure
• Conducting intensive rehearsals - Slow down and control your breathing. Practice outside of trading hours at first. Imagine a worst case scenario as you're practicing. It'll desensitize you, mentally rehearse until you can do so
  

#2: Shifting States

• Taking your emotional temperature
• Activating complementary states
• Activating non-emotional states
• Using biofeedback for emotional training - such as vigorous exercise when you are feeling risk averse and focus your attention and control breathing for the opposite
  

#3: Cognitive Restructuring

• Identify negative thought patterns
• Externalize the self-talk - imagine someone else saying this to you. We think it but we don't like to hear it from other people, which leads you to...
• Challenge the self-talk
• Rehears new self-talk
  

#4: Solution Focus

• Finding exceptions to problem patterns
• Identifying triggers and facilitative factors that aid exceptions
• Creating models of desired behavior
• Anchoring models to distinctive states
  

Training as the Best Therapy

• Becoming more rule-governed
• Building capacity to perform "in the zone"
• Skill and talent won't get you anywhere if you can't access them
  

My Training, Part II

Lots and lots to think and write about. Gotta finish Brett's notes, conversation w/ Lopez, and I talked to Andy a little bit, meanwhile these comments on the previous training post is igniting a whole series of thought chains that I just couldn't handle anymore. I don't know who it is but if there are people out there that want to help me become a better trader I'm all for it. For all I know it could be our CEO or Brett making the comments. I played a lot of volleyball this week and I'm trying to let these conversations sit and simmer a bit but not to a point where I forget what they mean. Here's the rest of my notes from Brett.

• Trading is a performance activity, much like sports, performing arts like dance. You have to find your niche, in other words a cross section of talent, skills and opportunities
• Build on your success and strengths. So many traders overlook their strengths instead they just try to correct their weaknesses. Once you have that, leverage it, scale it, trade more different stocks and more shares. You want to turn best trading into best practices and best strengths into habit patterns.
• Find your unique strengths. Brett told us a story about his blind cat Molly who was about to learn and navigate around a new environment after just about a day or two. Everybody has got something going for them.

Characteristics of Successful Trader

• High Conscientiousness: High discipline, responsible. They think about their day, think about their trading and think of trading as a craft.
  
• Low Neuroticism: Have a low tendency toward negativism. Blood literally flow out a certain part of your brain and you become in the "wrong mind."
  
• High Openness: Likes new experience, which correlate with risk taking. It's even better when you can take on lots of risk conscientiously.
  
• Problem-Focused Coping: When something goes wrong are you focused on the emotion or the problem. Brett mentioned about someone thinking of a losing trade as paying for information and testing out the market, which I thought was a really interesting way of looking at things b/c that's kind of like poker where sometimes you pay or call even though you know you're probably wrong to help you make more money in future hands.

Characteristics of Successful Trading Firms

• Sticking to Knitting
• Promote Teamwork
• Distribute Expertise
• Trader Support
• Hiring Expertise

Common Trading Problems

• Performance Anxiety - more concerned about the outcome than the process, which leads to poor decision making. It makes traders more risk averse to where they miss a trade or take too small of a size. You can't trade to not lose!
  
• Impulsivity - becoming frustrated, driven by anger and become reactive instead of grounded
  
• Failure to Adapt - either in trend or volatility. You have to continue to find new patterns but be aware that they change.

Undercontrolled vs. Overcontrolled Trading

• Most problems are control problems
• Impulsivity: the fear of missing moves and need for action. You have to think is your job to trade or to make money?
• Trader as ADHD: loss of focus and rule governance
• Hesitation: fear of sustaining loss, need for safety. Trader becomes anxious, self-focused attention and negative spiral. You need to focus on the MARKET instead!

Poor Trading Patterns Are State Dependent

• Behavior is patterned
• Patterns are associated w/ particular states of mind - most coaching won't work b/c you're not in the same state of mind any more. You need to coach while you're trading; work on performing while you're in performance
• States are evoked by triggers - the key is to figure out what riggers you and coach yourself to break the cycle and not get triggered, either during breaks or right b4 or after

Common Triggers

• Anxiety
• Guilt/Self Recrimination - I should have _____
• Boredom - it's easier to lose money than not trade
• Fatigue - we tend to over interpret things
• Anger/Frustration
• Physical Stimuli

The Importance of Well-Being

• Concentration
• Motivation
• Performance
• Over time, not enough positive emotion can be just as damaging as too much negative
• You can have a lot of distress but still a good trader if you're extracting lots of positive out of the job
• Contentment is a big area for most people
• It's not just about minimizing stress but maximize well-being as well
  

My Shirt

During SXSW I came across something really cool. At least in my opinion... I had to have it.



Apparently it's call a T-Qualizer. Like the equalizer you see on your stereo, except it's on a t-shirt! I'm over my printed/graphic/humor t-shirt phase, but this just blows my mind. Way better than the drum t-shirt I posted about from last Christmas